Good touch-Bad touch

I was talking to one of my friends, the other day and we started discussing eve-teasing and sexual harassment. We can appreciate the fact that the film and television industry is trying to make advancements in this area by talking about the good touch and bad touch in various movies and web series. Like there is this short web series called, "Mentalhood" which I just finished watching with my mother. It has tried to portray how parents can play a major role in comforting their children and creating awareness amongst them regarding sexual harassment. They took a stand and tried to bring about a change in the school practices by conducting a workshop for kinder-garden kids in school. By all this, the web series maker was definitely aiming to extend that awareness to its audience. But do you think that it actually can start that kind of evolution? Take a moment and give it a thought.

I think it's been quite some years since the producers and scriptwriters have started to include this concept. But do you think that steps are actually taken? I'd like to talk about my school's attempt. They took a step in this direction, or at least they thought that they did. Once every year, they would ask all the girls of classes sixth to eighth to stay back after assembly, and then they would talk about how it was around this time when all those around us and we would reach menarche. They asked us to always be supportive of each other and help someone in need in case they start to panic. And that was all. We never understood how they could so easily overlook so many problems and other important concerns.

First of all, why the hell would you send all the boys away? Just because they don't menstruate, they shouldn't even be a part of that awareness drive? Shouldn't they know what their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, and even their friends go through every month? Even growing up, my mother would talk to me referring to menstruation as "being down", and she would somehow always try to prevent me from discussing it in front of my father and my brother. "Being down" being used as its codeword is both accurate and somewhat bizarre because it could mean many things like it could refer that your energy is down around this time and I ensure you that it's almost equal to nil. But apart from that, maybe it tries to suggest, "Keep your volume down when you talk about it!" There can be many such angles to this phrase and I can go on listing them but I think you are getting what I'm trying to say, so I'll stop here. Now, going back to the issues that we were discussing. They forgot to mention so many more things in their speech. They never talked about good touch or a bad touch. They were probably of the view that nothing of that sort can happen at their school premises. Even if that's the case, isn't it a duty of the school to prepare their students for something which almost all people face, at least once in their lifetime? And also, according to Indian society, having sex before marriage is considered equivalent to sin. So, I think it was pretty obvious why they would never talk to teenagers about having safe sex.

I brought up a good touch and bad touch above. When we think about bad touch, the first thing that comes to the minds of most of us is that it might be something that has happened to a woman. But we often forget that this is something that can happen to anyone. Why just women? Why do we forget that people of every gender and every sexual orientation face these kinds of problems? Are they ignored just because the others try to be strong and are refrain even more from talking about it as compared to women? Maybe the first step which we can take for the betterment of society is by cleansing our own thoughts and accepting the fact that this is something that can happen to anyone irrespective of their gender or sexuality. 

Furthermore, we need to keep reminding ourselves that we are the society. Time and again, we end up doing or believing what we are told instead of believing in what we think is correct. Why don't we open up and talk about making love? The only fair explanation that I would like to count upon for having sex after marriage is that marriage brings about stability with your partner and that you probably become mature by the time you marry. But having it or not or deciding when to have it should definitely be everyone's personal choice. Everyone can have a different opinion on this subject and I think they should believe in that irrespective of what society expects from them. 

Circling back to the good touch and bad touch, how do we really recognize if someone's touch is good or bad? I would like to describe an incident which happened to me a couple of years back. I was at this lunch party with some of my friends and some other acquaintances where we just ate and talked and laughed. It was about time to head back to our homes when we thought of having this group photograph. I was standing beside this classmate of mine and we were just casual friends. He held my waist while we were posing for the photograph and I was fine with it and it didn't matter. But as the photographer started clicking the pictures, it felt as if his grasp was getting tighter. Soon, the party was over and I was back at my house. It was an uncomfortable feeling which knocked off my sleep for three nights. I tried to never think of it again and never talk about it.

However, that day when I was talking about all this with my friend, I happened to tell him about this and it felt as if I wanted to be heard. I wanted someone to listen to me and to understand how it might have felt. But that little talk raised a lot of questions in my mind this time. This one was bothering me the most, "Was I wrong to have judged him at that time? Maybe I felt something wrong and he didn't really intend to do that ?" This was because he talked to me very normally after that incident. So, how do we deal with this kind of dilemma? I don't think I am capable of answering that question but I can tell you how I dealt with it. I have this idea that when you end up in such a conundrum, you should try to imagine how you felt when that particular event was happening and believe that feeling. His clench perhaps wouldn't have caused discomfort to others but it surely did to me and we should listen to our instinct or how some of you would call it a gut feeling. So, good touch is something that you are comfortable with like a handshake or a pat on your back or may even be a hug whereas bad touch leaves you uneasy and disturbed. Bad touch basically refers to an unwanted touch to our private parts like the chest, buttocks, mouth, and genital areas. Sometimes, bad touch may just be an unpleasant stare from the wrong person. So such acts are not to be ignored. It is very important to differentiate between both of these and speak up whenever we become a victim of bad touch.  Let us all trust in ourselves and try to take baby steps to bring about an evolution!